Ramblings... Mumblings

Really really tired this weekend ... Once again pretty disappointed with my own energy level. Really admired people with high energy battery level like Energizer. Now I can even hardly call myself a battery.

"If it's not difficult in the first place, it's not worth my effort."

Fluffy told me the above sentence. And the sentence had helped me gritted my teeth through hard times, stagnant times, sad times, many many different kind of times during my internship. I must really admit I hardly breeze through my internship on reflection. In fact, there were many days I'm lost, felt under-priviledged, felt sad and hopeless, loss of self confidence, wanting to give up, felt a sense of unfairness "Why does this have to happen to me?" and many times again asking myself "Why am I the first one?" "It's so lonely!!"

Really thank God for the angels that had helped me in one way or another reminded me that this path and growth is worth my effort. Dr Elaine, Dr Jen Pei, Dr Marvin, Sharon, Shaw, Sister Lee and of course my nursing D Doris and AD Loo See.

Of course my fluffy who had tolerated all my nonsense when I stomped my feet around the house, pouting and proclaiming "I don't want to be an APN anymore!"

Firmly and yet gently he reminded me,
"You don't quit because you cannot do it, thus you don't want to do it. You quit because you know you can do it well but yet you choose not to do it."
One thing, I'm very blesseth that God has placed me with a man who has pride in what he does. If that job has "your name" stamped on it, you make sure you are satisfied with the outcome.

So now, I'm at the cross road again. I had done it, I had become an APN. I'm getting more experience as I see more and more patients as I grow into this new nursing role. I can only get better... However, do I really want to do this if given that choice again?